While on a visit to my younger brother’s place two weeks ago, a couple of his friends also came around. I knew one of them long ago, so I decided to stay back a bit longer just to play catch on general issues ie, work, women and marriage. I can’t remember how the conversation drifted to dating and social media platforms.
But I realised that this other friend was telling us about a girl he’d met recently on Facebook and who was now visiting his house. He said the girl, a university undergraduate from one of the South west states, planned to spend four days with him. The guys busted into laughter while the boyfriend went on narrating how for two days then, he’d been enjoying the free services the poor girl was providing him.
It was obvious from what he was saying that he neither liked nor respected the girl and that she was on a lone mission. I had no problem with the fact that the couple had met only a few weeks ago on Facebook, but I could not understand why she was the one traveling from her post to Lagos to meet a total stranger in his own territory and not the other way around.
I felt she should consider herself lucky if being the butt of crude jokes was all she had to suffer for her recklessness and not some gruesome sinister experience. Anything could have happened to her. I have never hidden my dislike of the dating and social media platforms available on the internet. My dislike is mainly borne out of fear for what may happen while using them.
Besides the fact that it is time consuming and addictive, you also need to be very careful with the amount and nature of personal information you put out there for security purposes. Anyone may get hold of them and use them to serve other purposes than those you intended them for. Besides, a lot of evil practices also take place on these platforms such as cyber abuse, bullying and gang ups almost of occult nature which have led many to commit grievous crimes against themselves and others.
However, the irony here is that despite my personal distaste for the social networks, my work revolves around its use. In fact, I edit a column in Sunday Vanguard called Lovezone, a platform for people to connect and socialise. Still, I’m wary of the dangers people expose themselves to when they fail to take the necessary precautions to ensure their safety. And I am always quick to point this out to users.
A couple of years ago, I received a text from a young lady narrating her experience in the hands of a potential suitor who responded to her advert in the Lovezone. After crossing the normal introduction phase, the man who lived somewhere in the South-East, proposed that this lady pay him a visit so they could cross to the next level of their friendship.
Without thinking of the dangers involved, this lady jumped on the next available bus to meet her Romeo. As agreed, he picked her at the park and checked her into a hotel where they both enjoyed a long weekend from Thursday night. The arrangement was for her to return to Lagos on Sunday to enable her resume at her duty post at work. But on Saturday evening, Romeo told his woman he was dashing into town for something important and never returned.
Her only contact with him was his mobile cell phone which had now become permanently out of network area or switched off. Suspecting that she might be in deep trouble by Monday morning, the young lady approached the hotel management to inform them if they knew anything about the man as he’d left his car behind, strategically at a point she could see it from her room. To her surprise, the hotel advised her not to worry about the owner of the car as he often comes there to park his car to travel out of town.
They claimed they have no information on him except that he does come there often. If the girl wanted to leave, she was free as long as she settled the bills as everything was booked in her name. Incidentally, the girl had travelled with her last Kobo, hoping that she would be reimbursed by her lover. Unable to pay her bills, she was threatened with the Police.
Eventually, they arrived at a compromise, the girl was to do one week menial job at the hotel to offset her bills and she had to vacate the room to sleep on the floor at the workers station. On returning, to Lagos, she had lost her job as a sales attendant as another had replaced her. I was close to tears, listening to her narrate this experience and though I only had his number too, I decided to go to town with the story.
I narrated all that the poor girl went through and published the mobile number of this man and the car he drove. Before noon that Sunday, I received a call from a man who claimed to be a pastor and man of God accusing me of defaming him with my publication. He claimed he was in church with his wife and children when his phone began ringing endlessly and strangers abusing him for something he knew nothing about.
He added that he was now in a dilemma of explaining himself to his family and friends. He threatened to take me to court if I did not publish an apology to him for the embarrassment and mix up with his mobile number. But I simply reminded him that his victim was still alive and would really love to see him again. So, he was free to go to court. The matter died a natural death after this but not without its lessons.
While the story of Cynthia Osokogu, the Facebook contact killed by her friends remains fresh in our minds, it is very obvious that many young people out there still have not learnt any lessons. Life may be all about taking risks but risks that are worthy of note, not some unhealthy, ill advised shagging in some dingy hotel room, in the name of looking for a life partner, please.
When you leave your comfort zone to see a guy on his own turf, please, please, note that the possibility of sex taking place is high on the slate. And sex has not been identified as a top priority on the relationship ladder. Compromising oneself sexually at the beginning of a relationship often hampers a woman’s sense of judgment, self esteem and confidence, subjecting the relationship and all concerned to undue pressure and sentiments.
When at the beginning of a relationship, especially where the two intending partners are strangers and have no common or mutual friends between them, it is better to play safe. The lady must try as much as possible to remain on her own turf and at all times, let others know of their whereabouts and necessary details of their partners profile.
Proper identification of a potential lover is very essential and must not be compromised for any reason. In fact, not only your safety might be at stake but your whole existence may depend on it. While helping to reconcile an estranged couple sometime early last year, the case suddenly took a bizarre twist when the husband called us for an emergency meeting.
He had evidence that his cheating wife will never change and wanted us to witness things first hand too. Our meeting point was the construction site of his new house. There, I met their pastor and his wife and another man introduced as the couple’s friend. It was here that we heard the reason for our gathering. His wife would soon be joining us. However, she believes she is on a date with a new lover she would be collecting some money from.
According to him, on a visit to a dating site shortly before, he had been surprised to see his wife’s picture as a divorced, single mother. He said he felt hurt since they were already trying to settle their differences. However, the “spirit” told him to test her to see if she had truly changed. He said after they got talking, he told her that though he was also separated from his wife, they were on the verge of reconciling and so, was not really available for a serious relationship. She on her part never mentioned anything about reconciling her family.
He said she painted a very terrible image of him, as an irresponsible man who does not even pay school fees. It was the fees she was coming to receive from a stranger in far away Ikorodu from Surulere where she lives. Didn’t she see your picture on your profile, I asked? He said initially he did not paste one, but when she insisted, he uploaded some strangers pictures from another dating site to her. (Ah tooh! as my friend will say). Until she walked in and stopped dead in her track, I did not believe her husband’s story.
I kept hoping that there will be another reason for her showing up there. But it was not to be. We were all lost for words as she bowed her head in shame while each person took turn to speak the few words they could muster to her. Her defence? She had to take care of herself and her children somehow and her husband had no right stalking her. Madam might have a point, but at what cost? Why come all the way to Ikorodu at such an hour in the day if she really had the intention of going back home to her children that night?
Was the money worth her life and safety that she should resort to meeting strangers in remote rural settings? What if something had happened to her, what would she have done? Well, let’s just thank God for the way things went. In the end, we were unable to settle their differences and each have gone their separate ways. No thanks to social media.
